The lies we live
by Cha'kwaina
Summary: She's been lying to everyone for months now - to her friends; to her family. After one particularly nasty confrontation with McKinley's very own Unholy Trinity all the lies finally become too much for Rachel Berry to handle. How will she cope and who will be there to help guide her through the stressful times sure to come?


**A/N: **Just a rewrite of the oneshot as people wanted me to continue I figured if I'm going to continue then I'm improving this chapter first.

Sorry for any and all mistakes you may find

Hope y'all enjoy :D

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"Watch where you're walking RuPaul!" the gorgeous blonde snarled viciously, her hazel eyes burning dangerously. She barged past me with such force that I was pushed into the lockers behind me. There was a loud echoing clang as my back connected with the harsh metal and I winced slightly at the sting. My books clattered against the floor as they fell from my grip.

The hall was full of dead silent; everyone eager to see who would make the nest move. Even the teachers had stopped what they were doing to see what the outcome for the latest confrontation between Quinn and myself would be.

As I turned away from Santana's sneer I ended up looking back into Quinn's eyes once more. I was sure that as I did I saw some guilt swimming amongst the other emotions of anger and hatred shown in cold eyes. It was gone before I could be sure I had even seen it in the first place.

I looked away from Quinn unable to bear seeing such negative emotions directed at me. Not from Quinn! It was then that I noticed Santana still stood behind her captain, sneering down at me with utter disgust showing clearly in her eyes which if possible were even colder than Quinn's.

"You're pathetic Berry! It's no wonder your mother got rid of you the first chance she got." If I had thought it was silent before it was nothing compared to now. No one made a sound; not even the jocks or other cheerleaders who all stood there unsure what to think. Tears started pooling in my eyes.

Over the years I had believed that I had become somewhat immune to their insults and constant bullying; they had already done their worst and I had survived. But this, Santana had just taken it too far this time.

Suddenly everything seemed so much more distant as I got lost in my thoughts. I vaguely remember searching the halls to look for any familiar faces and I noticed amongst the onlookers where a few members of glee. I wondered if they would do anything but of course they just stood there idly watching on with slightly sympathetic eyes. They were the people who were supposed to be my friends but they didn't even try to defend me; they never did.

I wanted to say something – anything – to defend myself or show everyone that her words didn't affect me, but I couldn't; my brain wasn't allowing my mouth to form the words I needed . I was frozen.

I could barely hear anything else as I tried not to cry in front of so many witnesses. However, I did hear Santana's words as she continued to belittle me, "What's the matter Manhands? What happened to those long winded speeches you so love to annoy us with?" I could hear a few slightly nervous chuckles coming from some nearby jocks.

The more Santana continued to humiliate me in front of everyone the harder it got to hide my tears and no matter what she said to me I couldn't cry, not here. So I did the only thing I could; I ran.

Ignoring the fallen school books I pushed past the glaring Latino still insulting me. I ignored her angry cries and I ignored the feeling of a dozen eyes on me as I made my escape. The one thing I could not ignore however was the look on Quinn's face as I ran past her.

I had no idea where it was that I was headed I just knew that I had to get away from there and everyone there; I had to get away from _her. _So, I continued to allow my feet to guide me to my destination and when I reached it I realised I should not be surprised as this was my last safe-haven aside from home.

Stopping outside the familiar, large, double doors for a moment or two to catch my breath I made the mistake of allowing Santana's words to force their way past my mind's defences. I slammed the doors open startling the people that already occupied the room. I assumed I had interrupted a band practice when, scanning my eyes across the large stage, I noticed the instruments laid out and the microphones set up.

Taking a few tentative steps into the auditorium I glanced round and noted to my surprise that a recognised a few faces from glee; they played in the band for our performances. One of the members I recognised with messy mousy brown hair saw me standing there and with wide eyes got everyone out after taking in my distress. I smiled gratefully to him and whispered a small thank you as he walked past before I moved forwards; further out on stage.

I took a few more shaky steps seeking the comfort that I usually felt while on stage; the stage was – normally – my safety blanket. When I found no comfort my knees gave in to my shaking and I collapsed to the ground with a soft thud. I barely registered the pain as my knees connected with the floor.

Finally safely by myself the tears I had been holding back now flowed freely down my cheeks. My body was overcome with sobs that shook my body. I finally allowed the pain that I had been fighting over the last few years wash over me; it was almost a relief not to have to fight that pain anymore but it left me feeling alone.

I thought about every insult I've had to brush off, every slushy I've had to clean up and most of all I thought about the mother I never got the chance to know. Out of everything that has happened to be so far that for me has been by far the worst. Having my mother in my life for the briefest amount of time and feeling like I could be completely happy for once, only to be told by Shelby that while yes she was my mother, she wasn't my mom was heart-breaking for me.

The pain was too much to deal with and I feared that I wouldn't be able to come back fighting from this most recent blow.

'_You're mother got rid of you the first chance she got.'_

Santana's words still echoed through my mind and I cried even harder at how true her words were; Shelby left as soon as she realised I wasn't that little girl she had always dreamed of raising.

I was so trapped within my thoughts that I hadn't heard the doors open or the light footsteps that rushed over to where I had fallen.

I was startled when I felt cool arms wrap themselves around my waist pulling me in closer to the owner of said arms. I could feel the intruder's warm breath fan out against my skin as they buried their face into the crook of my neck. The only thing stopping me from pulling away screaming was the familiar scent of strawberry shampoo.

"I am so sorry Rachel." The words were whispered softly against my neck causing me to shiver. I could hear the pain and guilt in her soothing voice. Instantly I could feel myself calming down as she continued to whisper apologies to me. I turned slowly in her arms and was met with her beautiful watery hazel eyes staring back at me.

"Quinn its alri-"

"No Rachel! It is not alright; you're not alright. I am so sick and tired of coming into school every day having to still pretend that I hate you and that I'm that same immature, little girl who tries to make others feel worse than her by calling them derogative names. But most of all I hate seeing the pain in your eyes, especially when I know it's me who put it there.

"As for Santana, she was way out of line with what she said to you and I'll make sure she regrets even thinking those words. If it weren't for me being such a coward then Santana never would have said that."

I looked into Quinn's eyes – previously cold and guarded – now warm and open, as if she were bearing her soul to me. I shook my head and as she finished talking I leaned forward, resting my forehead against hers, as I reached up to cradle her face in my hands, my thumbs stroking soothing across rosy cheeks.

"You are not a coward Quinn Fabray! Yes you are scared, but that does _not_ make you a coward. You're one of the bravest people I know Quinn and I understand why we have to keep up this act." I saw the conflict in her eyes; I knew a part of her wanted to believe but the other part simply refused to allow her to believe what I was saying.

"Does it hurt every time you insult me? Of course. Do the slushies sting. Absolutely. And does the cold, guarded look in your eyes make my heart feel like its breaking? Always." It hurt to tell Quinn this; to see the guilt and tears in her eyes but she needed to understand.

"Why Rachel?" The whispered words sounded so broken and defeated, "Why didn't you tell me all of this before? I knew it hurt – of course it did – but if I had realised just how much it hurt you then I would have done something about it sooner."

Tears were now flowing freely down both our faces as we held each other tightly; taking comfort in the others presence. We sat like that for another few minutes allowing the silence to wash over us and we took the time to gather our thoughts.

"The reason I never told you Quinn is because of the moments where you hold me just like this and tell me it's all going to be better because I believe you when you say things will get better. Or how you stay with me when I'm feeling scared and lonely, because these moments are the moments that remind me that you _do _care about me."

I pause and take a deep breath; what I am about to say next will either tear us apart or bring us closer together. Personally I'm hoping for the latter.

"And these moments also remind me just how much I love you." Quinn's head snapped up, wide hazel eyes meeting my own chocolate brown in shock, "I love you Quinn Fabray!" A huge sense of relief washed over me at finally saying those three words. It felt as though a ginormous weight had been lifted off of my shoulders.

"Y-y-you l-love me?" The stuttered out question brought me back to reality and wiped the smile off of my face.

"Yeah? Um I mean," I clear my throat swallowing down the lump that had formed before trying to speak again, "Yes! Yes I do love you." I waited nervously for her response with but when she failed to respond I feared I had scared her off. Not wanting to wait any longer for Quinn to finally tell me she wasn't in love with me I stood up and started walking towards the exit.

As I was about to reach for the door handle another hand gripped my upper arm, spun me around and pinned me against the door. Before I could open my mouth to protest at being manhandled like this Quinn's lips were pressed roughly against mine, catching my lips in a passionate kiss.

My free hand – that wasn't trapped between our bodies – reached up and tangled itself into blonde hair, tugging slightly and drawing out a moan from Quinn.

We only pulled back once the lack of oxygen became an issue for us. My eyes remained closed as I worked on getting my breathing back to normal. When I finally opened my eyes again I let out a gasp as I stared into darkened hazel eyes staring deeply back at me.

"I love you too." I grinned from ear to ear as Quinn whispered the three words that I had only previously dreamt of hearing her say to me. Overwhelming happiness surged through me at the knowledge that Quinn loved me back.

I leaned in for another kiss only to be stopped by Quinn. She looked at me with amusement as pouted, feeling slightly hurt and rejected.

"I hadn't finished talking Rach." I stopped pouting at the use of my nickname and waited - not so – tell you just how much I love you. You encourage and inspire me Rachel; it's because of you – of us – that I want to come out. I don't want to have to hide my feelings for you anymore. However I will only tell everyone about us if you are okay with it."

I swear I just fell in love with Quinn all over again. Unable to resist I squealed slightly before kissing her again. This time the kiss didn't last as long and when we pulled back I rested my head against Quinn's shoulder sighing contentedly as she wrapped her arms around me. I always felt safe when I'm with her.

"I'm just fed up of all the lies Quinn, I don't think I can keep it up much longer," I could feel the tears falling again and Quinn held me tighter, "I just want everyone to know that I belong to you and only you." I quietly confessed.

Quinn pulled back and wiped my tears away looking at me with so much love that I was sure I was imagining it. Kissing me softly Quinn whispered against my lips,

"As I belong to you my love!"


End file.
